2012 Year in Review

Hi everyone, Amy here, so I thought I would give you a recap of my 2012.   Let you know if I met all my goals and if it truly was my year of being strong.  I realize I could have done this in December or closer to the New Years, but I kind of get caught up raising 4 kids and all. 

First, I did complete my 1200 miles (actually I did about 1450) and I did compete in and finish 12 races (even placed in a few).  While I was running all those miles and running all those races I found out a lot about myself and I learned many lessons in 2012, my year of being strong. 

Here are 12 things I learned in 2012...

1.  I learned I am a bit country... OK I am a lot country.  I would love nothing more than to move out to the country, have a farm, raise animals and half dozen kids.  Let my boys run around with 22's shooting everything and let all the kids ride four wheelers up and down dirt roads.  My little girls can make mud pies and dress up the barn cats like babies (that's what I did when I was little).  I want a simple life filled with hard work, love, and laughter...  the ideal life. 

I found out I love to hunt and fish (fishing more than hunting).  I think I just heard some of your jaws drop.  Pick them up off the floor please, because you all should know I still do these things in pink shirts and with make-up on.  A girl has to look good when she reels in the big one and the fish seem to like my pink skirt and pink fishing pole.

I am a country girl because the boys in the jacked up trucks still make me weak in the knees (especially the one in the big black truck).  I will listen to any wilderness story you might have and I often pin interesting chicken coups on Pinterest.

I might also be a bit southern. Born and raised in Oregon but spent a lot of time with my southern Granny and now I know why I speak the way I do.   Ever wonder why I say “y’all” or why I call everyone “honey” or “sweetie?” It’s because somewhere deep inside I can feel my Tennessee and Carolina roots.

WARNING: Don’t read to much into my southern speech, just because I called you “honey” doesn’t mean I am into you. I might have also said “bless your little heart,” which means I think you are cute and stupid, and I wonder if you ride the short bus.   Might as well give full disclosure on some other things I say while I am on here.  If I say "sure sure" it means I don't believe you and if I say "no worries", you should worry, I have just told you to take a flying leap in the nicest way I know how.  (Any of you checking your text from me right now to see if I have said any of these things to you before?  You know you are!)

One of my favorites to run to.  Nothing but country fellas.

2.  Garbage trucks in Hawaii smell like fried rice... I no longer eat fried rice.

3. I've learned how to forgive.  I never hate anyone, and don't want to start.  It doesn't matter what you do to me or what you say, in the end, I will just pray for you, and I forgive you.  Life is too short to carry around dark emotions, that kind of stuff ways us all down (kind of like fat... hmmmm something to think about right?)

4.  I've learned to say I am sorry... and with that I have an apology to issue. 

Dear Gary,

I am sorry for the way things ended.  I am sure you felt lonely and scared when we first separated, and I am very sorry for that, from the bottom of my heart, I really never wanted you to feel that way.  I know there are no words that make up for the loneliness I caused.   I never wanted to do this to you.  I am sorry I brought you to this place in your life, no one deserves that, especially someone I called  friend, husband, and the father of my children.

I also want you to know I forgive you.  I know you have not apologized, and I will not say for what I forgive you of, because if I did, it might seem like me trying to justify some of my actions, but I do forgive you.  I hold no ill will against you.  I hope you find peace and love and happiness in your new life and I hope you can fully move forward.  I pray for your forgiveness but do not expect it.  I am truly sorry.

Amy

5.  I have learned to pray and learned when your faith is being hammered from all sides (mine has been more than a few times this year), and when you are in your darkest place, drop to your knees and pray.  And a friend reminded me that the darkest moment is always before the dawn.  I must walk this path, alone, and face trials, so that I might know the full extent of the atonement. 

6.  I have learned to say thank you.  Here is my short list of people I need to say thank you to, you all have been there for me and have enriched my life. 

Payton, Hadley, Fox, Uma, Denice (mom), Jolene, Steve, Ryan, Sarah, Bonnie, Yella, Ephraim, Marla, Jake, Freddy, Jen, Bren, Michelle, Michael, Chris, Sarah, Gillian, Rob, Eli, Doug, Jamie, Dan, Steve (Bishop), Tim, Christy, Nettie (Aunt), Laurelee, Brandon, Kate, Brian, and Land.   

7.  I am shy and quiet.  I take my time and I watch and I listen. I'm not  the greatest communicator (I'm working on it) and won't often make an effort to reach out to others.  I am more of a reciprocater (spell check says that is not an actual word). If you make an effort, I too will make an effort but if I think you are taking me for granted or if you are "luke warm" about me, I will say "good day to you" (in my best Fez voice)   And there is nothing wrong with being shy and quiet,  as long as when I do speak it is from the heart. 

8.  I am soft hearted  I have been told a million times this year to “toughin up.”  My answer to that, no, no I will not! I am strong not tough!!  I don’t think there is anything wrong with a soft heart.  I am a sweet girl and love putting others first.  I am not saying I want to be a doormat for everyone and I can still take care of business and handle myself, but I won't be cruel to anyone and always want to show charity and kindness.   I'm a Mom, and that unconditional love I have for my children, sometimes spills over into other parts of my life, again, nothing wrong with that. 

 9.  I am an athlete.  I am a fatlete. 

10.  There is a constant musical running in my head.  If you wonder why I stare off or seem extra quiet some days, it's probably because I am thinking of a theme song for my day or a kicky little dance number that would fit the present situation.  So when I die please have my entire funeral DJ'd and will someone please organize a flash mob for me right before I am placed in the ground?  Thanks. 

   

11.  I am a brat!  I pout and I through fits to the point that I will actually stomp my foot.  I want to get my way and I want it right now!  I am sorry.

12.  I am still Superwoman... and I am a girl who is full of passion and adventure but I am not perfect.

What does 2013 hold for me... well I have decided 2013 is my year of faith and faith is not the light at the end of the tunnel but the light that gets us through the tunnel.  I plan on running another 1400 miles this year and I plan on taking on a few more races (I am always trying to get a PR).  I'll keep working out and improving my diet, because I never want to be the fat friend, or the fat mom, or the fat wife again.  

Speaking of being a wife, maybe I'll get a ring on my finger this year but don't count on it... maybe.  I'll just have to have faith.

 

If you are wondering what I will be doing this year when I am not taking care of the kids (I am always taking care of the kids), or running, I will be reading.  I am still attending BYU online and hope to maintain straight A's.

  

Derby Knockout

Derby started up again. First night back at practice and I got rocked. My head bounced so far and hard off the track that I almost knocked the stickers off my helmet. This came the day after an importanat article was written about concussions that has affected someone dear to my life..... Which was on the back of my mind. Now, I am healing from my own mild concussion.

Many times we get knocked around, get pushed to the brink and still keep up the fight. Whether that fight is sports, derby, relationships, battles with weight.... We all need to know when it is ok to "tap out". There is a difference between giving up and knowing when to quit for the greater good of your emotional and physical well-being. Do you know when and where your point is? Have you let your emotional state and low self-esteem let you get knocked around?

Chances are your answer is YES! It doesn't matter how hot, skinny or "perfect" someone is.. Everyone has been knocked down. The trick is to GET UP!! Stop listening to the liar within you and pick your a** up and get going. Your allowed to fall, just get up.

At derby practice, we were practicing transitions, agility and timing. My partner (who is a badass chick and I have a mild healthy girl crush on), she made me nervous.... You would have thought I was on a date.. LOL. My skate locked with hers and I went down. People watched my head bounce, asked me if I was ok? I got back up and kept going. That was the hardest I had fallen in the last 6 months and I got RIGHT BACK UP! I didn't take a minute to even realize what had happened. That is the trick, before you have a moment to start feeling bad for yourself, just keep moving. When that workout or diet you are struggling with has knocked you down. Don't think... Just one foot in front of the other. Keep going! Like Dory from Finding Nemo.... Just keep swimming.

After my fall I fought back, skated better, put move energy into performing at higher level. It pushed me to learn that being rocked like that whether on the track or in real life you just have to.... Never give up.

Get knocked down, learn from the experience and kick ass.

LILAC CITY ROLLERGIRLS!!!!
FIRST BOUT OF THE SEASON VS. CDA SNAKE PIT DERBY DAMES!!!!! SATURDAY 02/09/2013, SPOKANE CONVENTION CENTER.

TicketsWest or contact me for more inforamtion.

Change of course, not destination.

Written by fatlete contributor Sarah...

It's cold outside but Sarah is one hot mama

I haven't posted in this for quite a while. The last time I did I had a different perspective on several different views in my life. Which now have changed drastically....

I have successfully focused on my career, education and fitness for the last seven months. In those seven months, I learned I was a "man hater". I was upset with the male population thinking they were all the same. Same as the last guy, or even worse, The Ex.

Now... I am fully aware that this is a Fitness Blog and is supposed to be fitness inspired. Hang in here with me while I show you how this is all connected.

I at one point in my life was out of shape, miserable physically, mentally and romantically.  I used the gym as my outlet when things went sour with my ex-husband. I went several times a day, joined "Biggest Loser" competitions, 5k, 10k and half marathons to push myself to some sort of emotional/mental clarity. In that time I lost over 100 pounds. Yes, I know, I was a cow and I am not proud of it especially, because I am military.

Have I mentioned that I have control issues in general??

I took control of my health and fitness level.  When regaining my fitness level, there were several road blocks that I faced along the way. I hit them all like mile markers, one after the other. So many women I have talked to going through a divorce or nasty break-up have hit them too.

I started to realize that my private hell I was facing was no longer private. It was a common place here in suburbia. Like a road-side coffee stand handing out lattes and ***. The mental and emotional abuse I had been accustomed to over the years, was common for so many other women who were over weight.  They too had been blessed with the same kind of "loving spouse" I had.

I become so drawn to the gym and working out that I became addicted. I could plug in my iPod and escape the mundane wife role I had jumped into back in my early 20's.  Through workouts and treadmill butt kickings. I learned a lot more about myself that I was never really aware of.

1. I am stronger than I thought mentally and emotionally.
2. I was accepting of the love that I thought I deserved, which was terrible. Why would anyone think so low of themselves?
3. I wasn't truly happy with anything I was doing.
4. I wasn't living just surviving.
5. I was a ragging bitch with an attitude problem. (ironic that I was a public figure and so nice to people I barely knew)

I wasn't who I thought I was, and I damn sure wasn't who I wanted to be. Somehow, every mile I ran I was running from the person I didn't want to be anymore. I would like to think that with every step I was running towards the person I am supposed to be.

Through my pledge of working on me; I swore off many things and some things I just plain ignored. I focused on my children, education/career, and fitness. I have to admit that I also play roller derby and it is another mild addiction I have. I ignored mainly my feelings towards men, or maybe...... I focused on the hate I had for men. 

I am still staying true to myself and that destination. But, recently on a vacation back to my country home town I found out much more about myself. I found a form of healing from the pain, let down, and the damn disappointment of a failed marriage.

Sarah in her cute new car.  Other fatlete contributors are jealous.

I went home for Christmas to the one horse town I was raised in. I took my kids home, introduced them to my friends and family.  I was raised on a farm, in a town many refer to as "Klamtucky". I have to admit that even though I drive a BMW and have a different life up here, I can be just as redneck as I was raised.

I went out for the END OF THE WORLD PARTY 12/21. Ended up in a dive bar called Chicken and Cheers, this is where my world was about to change in a blink of an eye. I entered this dive bar with no expectations, but my high school bestie was certain that I would meet the man of my dreams there and I would move home, and we could carry on our lives raising babies in this little town where rodeos are a huge event and Grange Co-Op is where you buy the most expensive belts and jeans in town.

I was told I am a "man-hater". Crazy?!?!? I never thought of myself as a man hater, or even remotely of the sort.... walking into this bar made me realize two things. First,  I was in the twilight zone.Second, that a man sitting at the bar making me smile and laugh was about to impact my life like no other.

I have heard women say that someone could impact your life like this before, but never understood it and it was happening to me! With my high school buddy giggling and smiling behind me. She whispered in my ear "He is the one, I've waited a long time for you to have this moment Sarah". I have spent every day since talking with this man.  This is a new path for me...but I am still headed towards happiness and love.

 Sarah isn't looking for superman like Amy, she wants a man with a utility belt..