The "Break Up" Workout

(It's going to be ok!)

Last night I spent 3 1/2 hours on the phone with someone I have dated almost a year.  We said unkind things to each other, apologized, argued some more, made excuses, justified our feelings, and once again disrespected our relationship, and in the end, we hung up at 1 in the morning with nothing resolved, still feeling hurt, our relationship still in ruins.  We have been in the process of breaking up for months and in the past few weeks, I have started the process of unraveling our lives from each other.

The past few weeks I got some distance from the relationship and took the time to really search my heart and ask myself  "what went wrong?"  I realized the problem was I had been asked to be someone I am not.  See I am the type of girl who can make the best of any situation.  I can improve anything.  Improvement comes with growth.  I love the possibility of growth in all I do.  Growth in a relationship.  Growth within myself, and it is that ability that makes me happy.  I strive for more.  I strive for the better.  I strive for the best.  I think I can have it all, and in the past, I have proved over and over again, that I can have it all.  I am not a girl who can settle.  I have never, and could never be the type of person that when handed lemons would just be happy with a couple lemons.  I am the type of person who would make lemonade out of those lemons, then open a lemonade stand, and then franchise the lemonade stand.  HA!


I was asked to settle for 75% of his heart and not given 100%, and told time after time, that 100% was not in the cards.  I was asked to be happy with what I was given.  I was asked to be happy with some of his heart but the ability to have it all was not an option.  This goes against who I am at a fundamental level.  I know I deserve 100%.  I know I am worth 100%.  I was being asked to act in a way that was not true to who I am.

Settling made me unhappy.  It caused more hurt and it seems I am good at a lot of things, but acting and pretending to be ok with where my relationship was, was not one of them.  I pretended in the past too many times, and it just made me fat (true story).  I won't go back to pretending, I won't go against who I am.


Again I was on the stupid phone for 3 1/2 hours last night.  Geeez!  What a waste!  When I got off the phone I thought "I could have been doing squats or running that whole time!"  Then I would at least have a nice behind to go with my broken heart.

So if you find yourself in the same crappy place, heart-broken, and still in that awful "we aren't sure if we can even be friends" break up situation, try some of these helpful little strategies and workouts to get your mind off of him....

You must do squats and lunges during each phone call.  If your legs get tired and you just can't keep doing squats and lunges, it's time to get off the freaking phone.  And for each call you speak for more than  30 minutes, you must do 30 minutes of cardio.  For each hour over an hour add 15 mins to the cardio workout.  So my call last night meant I had a long run today... Suck!

Each time your ex text you and you want to text back, do 25 push-ups.  Still want to text him back? Great drop and give me 25 more.  On the toes, please.  Hopefully, your arms will be too tired to reply.

When and if you do reply to his text, for each word you have to do 5 triceps push-ups.  So a reply like "I'll call you later"  is 20 triceps push ups.  Tricep push ups are hard to do, so you might not want to give lengthy responses.  In fact, I know you won't want to.

Each time you feel sick to your stomach from the hurt of it all, well that's the butterflies in your stomach starting to die.  You know the ones you use to get whenever you saw him or he called you.  Then do 50 crunches.  50 in and outs.  50 heels to heaven.  Followed by a 1-minute plank.  Repeat as needed.  If you're going to feel sick to your stomach you might as well get a tighter core out of it.

Each time you check his Facebook, that's 50 jumping jacks.  I personally hate jumping jacks so I just unfriended him.  Ha ha!

Can't stop thinking about him?  Try 25 burpees.  Still can stop?  25 more... yeah just do burpees until your head hurts and you can't think anymore.

Miss his family?  Call your Mom.

Miss him?  Leave the house and do something with your friends.  BTW Ronald McDonald and Ben and Jerry are not your friends, so don't be hanging out with that crowd... neither is Cherry Garcia.  LOL

Still crying over the pain?  Then pray and drink lots of water.  Both will wash over your soul and refresh it.

There is a diet to go with all of this.  You have had to put up with the mess and complications of a breakup, so it's time to eat simple, and eat clean.  You are what you eat, and let good foods like fruit and veggies fight the toxic feelings you may have.  No processed food for 21 days.  That's the rule!  In three weeks you will feel better about everything and you'll look great.

I'm going to improve me because I couldn't improve us.

I'm a Bad Mom?

It's been a year since I wrote the "I'm a Bad Mom" post here on the blog.  Well... I've came a long ways.  I thought I would take the time to give you a family update and how the kids and I have found peace this year.  Now as I predicted last year, my last year's post made it to into some attorney's file but I am pretty sure the fella that read it had no understanding of a Mother's heart, but then again how could he.  I doubt a post about how well we are doing will get any attention but I am writing this for fatletes.  BTW this is one of those post that is going to take you awhile to read and get the full effect.  So go to the bathroom now, get a drink, maybe a snack, sit back and let's laugh and cry together.

Here is a copy of last year's post.

http://fatletes.blogspot.com/2012/05/im-bad-mom.html

I could address many of the cruel untrue things said about me from another person but the only thing I would like to mention about the divorce is the following...

In August, I was granted my sealing cancellation from the First Presidency of the LDS church, for you non-members, it means I got a Temple divorce.  A Temple divorce is not easy to come by and the First Presidency of the church has to feel that the cancellation is warranted.  My prayers were answered when I received the letter in the mail letting me know my petition had been granted.

OUR LIVES THIS PAST YEAR AND THINGS THAT HAVE GOT US THROUGH

FOOD

We love food.  Wait, everyone loves food.  Ok, but we love healthy food.  We eat 1/2 a watermelon a day around here.  We eat very little wheat or gluten (thanks to me being diagnosed with celiac disease this year.) We hardly ever eat cheese or milk based products anymore.  We reduced the children's milk intake by 1/2 (I can't have that either, another allergy.)  We don't smother everything in a sauce.  We eat simple, we eat clean.

We eat in, not out! Even the kids will now tell you, it is easier and faster to eat at home than out.  And in this house, it will probably taste better.  My cooking skills have improved greatly (thank you Pintrest!).

Wondering about all my food allergies, as one friend put it  "Amy you now come with instructions and a warning label."  So no more cold cereal for dinner for this single girl, oh that sucks.

MUSIC

Music can move the soul and a song can say the words we cannot.  We, as a family find so much enjoyment in music.  Seriously if you walk into my house and do not hear music playing, please make sure we are all breathing.  I am placing this as I high importance so I can place youtube videos throughout this blog post, in true Amy style.  Ha ha.



SPORTS

We love sports!!!  Not just a little, but a lot.  We play them, watch them, and I coach them.  It's all my kids do.  We love lacrosse, soccer, basketball, and football.

Face off in the front yard with my kid that out weighs me by about 35lbs!

I recently purchased the kids a basketball hoop, oh my poor neighbors.  The kids play until dark every night.  If the basketball noise doesn't make them mad, then the lacrosse balls hitting the side of the house will.  And just in case they get cozy in their bed one weekend, the fact a 1/2 dozen kids run threw their backyard, and me driving up and down the road with the lights off, playing fugitive is sure to put a thorn in their side.

I am an athlete, my children are athletes.  We will never allow someone tells us "no", or that sports are not important.  If you can't play, well step aside, we are going in.

A coach that loves to play is a fun coach.

READING

We read a lot around here.  Not just for school but we take our scripture reading seriously.  Reading scriptures can do more for a family than a therapist ever could.  How powerful is that?!

PRAYING

A family that prays together stays together. Again, a powerful truth in those words.  Let me tell you what happened the other day.

My youngest son, Fox (yes that is his real name) was frustrated while playing basketball.  He was frustrated to the point that he had started to cry and scream that he wanted the ball and that he hated everyone.  He was quickly becoming a monster on the driveway court and I started to walk towards him.  In a finally outburst he yelled some unkind words to our friend.  Fox took off running, and minutes later I caught him.  (Yes, he is that fast and that difficult to catch).  He yelled at me "No, you are just going to yell at me."  I assured him I would not yell.  I took him to a quiet chair near the front door away from the other kids.  His face was red and dirty and he was ready to give me a fight.  I often compare this little man to a caged animal (lol) but instead of yelling, or telling him how wrong he was for saying unkind words, I asked him if we could say a prayer.  He said "No!" (typical lol)  So I started without him.  "Dear Heavenly Father, please bring peace and comfort to Fox.  Please let him feel my love for him, please let him feel your love.  When he is upset let him feel your spirit."  I looked up at Fox and he was crying.  He buried his face into my side.  I calmly asked Fox to be kind to everyone.  When he finally spoke to me, he spoke softly, his little voice tender and sweet.  He told me he loved me.

The kids and I say a morning prayer before school, we offer a  blessing over our food, we pray before bed,  and most of the time we say prayers as a family unless circumstances prevent us from being together.  Prayer has brought peace to this home.  Prayer has brought peace to my heart.

HUMOR

We are funny.  No really, we are a funny family.  We tell ridiculous stories and my children's sense of potty humor is classic and unfortunately endless. If you hear what sounds like a trumpet being played in the house, you should hold your breath and open a window.  Seriously!  And chances are my sweet little girl will announce that she is the one to blame.

We laugh with each other, we laugh with others, and we enjoy each others company, except... when the trumpets are sounding.

WORDS

"Stop dwelling in the past, focus on the present, and stop trying to predict the future."

"Speak words that are only kind, true, and necessary."

SERVICE

I love to serve others as do my children.  The greatest gift we can give others is charity.  Charity starts in the home and we serve with happy hearts.

THE TEMPLE

In last years post I mentioned the temple and knowing my family would be restored.  I have since returned to the temple.  My first visit back I truly had a tender mercy moment, and I knew I was back where I belonged.  I am happy to share that experience privately on FB messenger.

RUNNING

Yep, I still run everyday except Sunday.  I no longer run on Sunday and I have not had a reason, or the time to run at 1 AM.  And the kids often join me on the trail or hitch a ride in my jogger.  Running is my time by myself but I have found it can also be family time.

As for last years post that included the St George police, I think they must have wanted to end our tumultuous relationship because I haven't seen them since last May.  I am still a sucker for those blue uniforms and I miss you boys!!.  JK LOL

HIM

When will this family be complete?  Even the kids ask "when are you going to get married?"   "Someday" is always my answer.

Is there a special guy?  Ummm duh!  Are we engaged?  Nope, not even close.  LOL  Until I am ready, until he is ready, I will remain patient.   I know he is super special and I am blessed to have him in my life, I am trying to not push beyond that.  He has touched my heart, stolen my attention, and he makes me smile and laugh.  And I might not want to admit it but I have known since the day we met he was different, and that he would forever change my life.  It's scary to think you can fall so quickly.  Kinda makes me want to puke, and not in an anxious kind of way, but in a 24 hour stomach flu type of way.  You know the puking that starts at your toes and violently moves throughout your body until your head aches.  The kind of puking that takes everything you ever have been given and dishes it back out.  Yeah that kind of puking.  This is all very messy.  LOL

Until someday, the kids and I choose to be happy and complete with what we have now.  We have each other, we have a home, we have friends, and we have our ward family.  In time... Someday... Someday.

AM I A BAD MOM?

No, not at all.  Am I a great Mom?  No, but I sure am trying.  My greatest job in life, my true calling, my  destiny, is to be a Mom..  My purpose in this life is so simple but so divine how can I deny it.  This year I have learned that I must work hard to be the woman, the daughter, the sister, the parent that my family needs me to be.  Everyday can bring a new challenge but I love my children with all of my heart, and above all others, so it's worth every sacrifice. (Yep, I'm crying now).




Thank you to my Mom and the many women in my life that help me be stronger and offer me encouragement.  I would start listing them all but it would take forever!!!

Protect This House

Wrote this one awhile ago but just now got the pic for it.  I wrote it to make a point and to be a brat.  The "protect this house" core workout posted below:

Rental home, previously on a short term lease, is now available for purchase.  Home will not be going to the highest bidder but to the person who brings the plans for the best expansion.  Home is intended to accommodate a large family.  Ideas of relocating the home to another site will be considered ,but the home was built for mild winters and hot summers.  All country settings will be considered.

Home has attractive exterior and is fun and bright inside. Home has good plumbing and a clean basement.  No wear or tear here!  Attic has some clutter but can be removed easily, and the new owner's precious belongings may be stored for safe keeping.  Home comes with a limited warranty from the builder, who lovingly gave this home a good foundation and strong frame.

Previous owner did some major damage to the heart of the home as did previous tenant.  Repairs are under way but new owner may need to complete. Home is in need of a good security system, as it still needs to be protected from further damage from outside sources.

This home has great potential to the right buyer.  Home must be owner occupied, and may not be used as a rental again.  Sale will be final and agreement to buy will be completed purchase in the temple.

All inquires on purchase will be confidential.  There will not be any open houses or tours and only serious pre-qualified buyers need apply.

• Plank Exercise: 1 minute

• Side Plank Exercise: 30 seconds each side

• The Basic Push Up 10 

• V-sits 20

• Push Up  10

• Squats 20

• Back Bridge 1 minute

• Hip Lift 20

• Oblique Twist 20

• Plank on a Balance Ball 1minute

• Lunge with Twist 10 each side

• Supermans 1 minute

Repeat 3 times

YOU OKAY WITH THAT?

If you had to fight a fit girl like me over your guy,
I'd ravage your face and take him.


YOU OKAY WITH THAT?

When your guy is out with his friends, he's checkin' me out,
because I've worked out to improve my appearance and it shows.

YOU OKAY WITH THAT?

People look at you and laugh.
People use you as a benchmark to change their own habits.

YOU OKAY WITH THAT?

Don't be one of those dumb girls making pathetic recurring attempts to change their lifestyle. Don't whine about it. You've got self-discipline and nothing else in this life.


You've got one try: to fail once is to fail every time.
In six months, you've either going to be a pathetic, guilt-ridden failure, or a tribute to human will.


Your bitch of a mother-in-law will make comments like, "I can't believe it..."


Your guy will get nervous about how much you can accomplish just by setting your mind to it and start asking you to tell him he's good enough for you.

Jerks who taunted you will have nothing... nothing... to say.

You did something they either simply couldn't even begin,
or tried to do and failed miserably.

AND THEN WHEN MY GUY IS OUT WITH HIS FRIENDS,
HE'LL BE CHECKING YOU OUT, BITCH.

LET'S DO THIS.

May Challenge 2013 - 30 Day Squat Challenge

Before I post the squat challenge, I will go off on a little rant.  I promise to keep it short and I am working on a very loooong post.

A few weeks ago I was sitting with some women one of them my neighbor and she talked about wanting to be her wedding weight.  She said "I don't see why I can't be that a size again."  Everyone around us gave her the "but you have had 4 kids" or "don't deprive myself" talk.  It was this last comment that almost sent me over the edge, but I sat quietly .. waiting.  But I wanted to say "deprive yourself?"  You mean you don't want to have self control   And I have heard this excuse before... where have I heard it before... where?  Oh yeah, when I was a fatty!!  It's a fatty excuse.  Truth hurts on that one.

I took my neighbor to lunch the other day to get to know her better and to talk "fit" and "health."  She is newer to my neighborhood and had no idea how BIG I use to be.  I showed her the BEFORE pic.  Yikes!  She could barely recognize me. She starts Shakelogy, Kyani, and a Beachbody workout serious tomorrow.  She is motivated, she gave no excuses, and I love it!!  There is no excuse to not eat healthy and take care of yourself.  There is no excuse to eating one bite of cake versus the whole cake.

Check out my sites and fb me if you want to know more.

https://www.facebook.com/amy.crabtreecobine
https://amycobine.kyani.net/r/usa-can/en/core/main
http://beachbodycoach.com/esuite/home/amycobine


Here is a little May challenge to get all the fatletes ready for summer swimsuit season.

I better go get started, I want the hot bubble butt by June.

2012 Year in Review

Hi everyone, Amy here, so I thought I would give you a recap of my 2012.   Let you know if I met all my goals and if it truly was my year of being strong.  I realize I could have done this in December or closer to the New Years, but I kind of get caught up raising 4 kids and all. 

First, I did complete my 1200 miles (actually I did about 1450) and I did compete in and finish 12 races (even placed in a few).  While I was running all those miles and running all those races I found out a lot about myself and I learned many lessons in 2012, my year of being strong. 

Here are 12 things I learned in 2012...

1.  I learned I am a bit country... OK I am a lot country.  I would love nothing more than to move out to the country, have a farm, raise animals and half dozen kids.  Let my boys run around with 22's shooting everything and let all the kids ride four wheelers up and down dirt roads.  My little girls can make mud pies and dress up the barn cats like babies (that's what I did when I was little).  I want a simple life filled with hard work, love, and laughter...  the ideal life. 

I found out I love to hunt and fish (fishing more than hunting).  I think I just heard some of your jaws drop.  Pick them up off the floor please, because you all should know I still do these things in pink shirts and with make-up on.  A girl has to look good when she reels in the big one and the fish seem to like my pink skirt and pink fishing pole.

I am a country girl because the boys in the jacked up trucks still make me weak in the knees (especially the one in the big black truck).  I will listen to any wilderness story you might have and I often pin interesting chicken coups on Pinterest.

I might also be a bit southern. Born and raised in Oregon but spent a lot of time with my southern Granny and now I know why I speak the way I do.   Ever wonder why I say “y’all” or why I call everyone “honey” or “sweetie?” It’s because somewhere deep inside I can feel my Tennessee and Carolina roots.

WARNING: Don’t read to much into my southern speech, just because I called you “honey” doesn’t mean I am into you. I might have also said “bless your little heart,” which means I think you are cute and stupid, and I wonder if you ride the short bus.   Might as well give full disclosure on some other things I say while I am on here.  If I say "sure sure" it means I don't believe you and if I say "no worries", you should worry, I have just told you to take a flying leap in the nicest way I know how.  (Any of you checking your text from me right now to see if I have said any of these things to you before?  You know you are!)

One of my favorites to run to.  Nothing but country fellas.

2.  Garbage trucks in Hawaii smell like fried rice... I no longer eat fried rice.

3. I've learned how to forgive.  I never hate anyone, and don't want to start.  It doesn't matter what you do to me or what you say, in the end, I will just pray for you, and I forgive you.  Life is too short to carry around dark emotions, that kind of stuff ways us all down (kind of like fat... hmmmm something to think about right?)

4.  I've learned to say I am sorry... and with that I have an apology to issue. 

Dear Gary,

I am sorry for the way things ended.  I am sure you felt lonely and scared when we first separated, and I am very sorry for that, from the bottom of my heart, I really never wanted you to feel that way.  I know there are no words that make up for the loneliness I caused.   I never wanted to do this to you.  I am sorry I brought you to this place in your life, no one deserves that, especially someone I called  friend, husband, and the father of my children.

I also want you to know I forgive you.  I know you have not apologized, and I will not say for what I forgive you of, because if I did, it might seem like me trying to justify some of my actions, but I do forgive you.  I hold no ill will against you.  I hope you find peace and love and happiness in your new life and I hope you can fully move forward.  I pray for your forgiveness but do not expect it.  I am truly sorry.

Amy

5.  I have learned to pray and learned when your faith is being hammered from all sides (mine has been more than a few times this year), and when you are in your darkest place, drop to your knees and pray.  And a friend reminded me that the darkest moment is always before the dawn.  I must walk this path, alone, and face trials, so that I might know the full extent of the atonement. 

6.  I have learned to say thank you.  Here is my short list of people I need to say thank you to, you all have been there for me and have enriched my life. 

Payton, Hadley, Fox, Uma, Denice (mom), Jolene, Steve, Ryan, Sarah, Bonnie, Yella, Ephraim, Marla, Jake, Freddy, Jen, Bren, Michelle, Michael, Chris, Sarah, Gillian, Rob, Eli, Doug, Jamie, Dan, Steve (Bishop), Tim, Christy, Nettie (Aunt), Laurelee, Brandon, Kate, Brian, and Land.   

7.  I am shy and quiet.  I take my time and I watch and I listen. I'm not  the greatest communicator (I'm working on it) and won't often make an effort to reach out to others.  I am more of a reciprocater (spell check says that is not an actual word). If you make an effort, I too will make an effort but if I think you are taking me for granted or if you are "luke warm" about me, I will say "good day to you" (in my best Fez voice)   And there is nothing wrong with being shy and quiet,  as long as when I do speak it is from the heart. 

8.  I am soft hearted  I have been told a million times this year to “toughin up.”  My answer to that, no, no I will not! I am strong not tough!!  I don’t think there is anything wrong with a soft heart.  I am a sweet girl and love putting others first.  I am not saying I want to be a doormat for everyone and I can still take care of business and handle myself, but I won't be cruel to anyone and always want to show charity and kindness.   I'm a Mom, and that unconditional love I have for my children, sometimes spills over into other parts of my life, again, nothing wrong with that. 

 9.  I am an athlete.  I am a fatlete. 

10.  There is a constant musical running in my head.  If you wonder why I stare off or seem extra quiet some days, it's probably because I am thinking of a theme song for my day or a kicky little dance number that would fit the present situation.  So when I die please have my entire funeral DJ'd and will someone please organize a flash mob for me right before I am placed in the ground?  Thanks. 

   

11.  I am a brat!  I pout and I through fits to the point that I will actually stomp my foot.  I want to get my way and I want it right now!  I am sorry.

12.  I am still Superwoman... and I am a girl who is full of passion and adventure but I am not perfect.

What does 2013 hold for me... well I have decided 2013 is my year of faith and faith is not the light at the end of the tunnel but the light that gets us through the tunnel.  I plan on running another 1400 miles this year and I plan on taking on a few more races (I am always trying to get a PR).  I'll keep working out and improving my diet, because I never want to be the fat friend, or the fat mom, or the fat wife again.  

Speaking of being a wife, maybe I'll get a ring on my finger this year but don't count on it... maybe.  I'll just have to have faith.

 

If you are wondering what I will be doing this year when I am not taking care of the kids (I am always taking care of the kids), or running, I will be reading.  I am still attending BYU online and hope to maintain straight A's.

  

Derby Knockout

Derby started up again. First night back at practice and I got rocked. My head bounced so far and hard off the track that I almost knocked the stickers off my helmet. This came the day after an importanat article was written about concussions that has affected someone dear to my life..... Which was on the back of my mind. Now, I am healing from my own mild concussion.

Many times we get knocked around, get pushed to the brink and still keep up the fight. Whether that fight is sports, derby, relationships, battles with weight.... We all need to know when it is ok to "tap out". There is a difference between giving up and knowing when to quit for the greater good of your emotional and physical well-being. Do you know when and where your point is? Have you let your emotional state and low self-esteem let you get knocked around?

Chances are your answer is YES! It doesn't matter how hot, skinny or "perfect" someone is.. Everyone has been knocked down. The trick is to GET UP!! Stop listening to the liar within you and pick your a** up and get going. Your allowed to fall, just get up.

At derby practice, we were practicing transitions, agility and timing. My partner (who is a badass chick and I have a mild healthy girl crush on), she made me nervous.... You would have thought I was on a date.. LOL. My skate locked with hers and I went down. People watched my head bounce, asked me if I was ok? I got back up and kept going. That was the hardest I had fallen in the last 6 months and I got RIGHT BACK UP! I didn't take a minute to even realize what had happened. That is the trick, before you have a moment to start feeling bad for yourself, just keep moving. When that workout or diet you are struggling with has knocked you down. Don't think... Just one foot in front of the other. Keep going! Like Dory from Finding Nemo.... Just keep swimming.

After my fall I fought back, skated better, put move energy into performing at higher level. It pushed me to learn that being rocked like that whether on the track or in real life you just have to.... Never give up.

Get knocked down, learn from the experience and kick ass.

LILAC CITY ROLLERGIRLS!!!!
FIRST BOUT OF THE SEASON VS. CDA SNAKE PIT DERBY DAMES!!!!! SATURDAY 02/09/2013, SPOKANE CONVENTION CENTER.

TicketsWest or contact me for more inforamtion.

Change of course, not destination.

Written by fatlete contributor Sarah...

It's cold outside but Sarah is one hot mama

I haven't posted in this for quite a while. The last time I did I had a different perspective on several different views in my life. Which now have changed drastically....

I have successfully focused on my career, education and fitness for the last seven months. In those seven months, I learned I was a "man hater". I was upset with the male population thinking they were all the same. Same as the last guy, or even worse, The Ex.

Now... I am fully aware that this is a Fitness Blog and is supposed to be fitness inspired. Hang in here with me while I show you how this is all connected.

I at one point in my life was out of shape, miserable physically, mentally and romantically.  I used the gym as my outlet when things went sour with my ex-husband. I went several times a day, joined "Biggest Loser" competitions, 5k, 10k and half marathons to push myself to some sort of emotional/mental clarity. In that time I lost over 100 pounds. Yes, I know, I was a cow and I am not proud of it especially, because I am military.

Have I mentioned that I have control issues in general??

I took control of my health and fitness level.  When regaining my fitness level, there were several road blocks that I faced along the way. I hit them all like mile markers, one after the other. So many women I have talked to going through a divorce or nasty break-up have hit them too.

I started to realize that my private hell I was facing was no longer private. It was a common place here in suburbia. Like a road-side coffee stand handing out lattes and ***. The mental and emotional abuse I had been accustomed to over the years, was common for so many other women who were over weight.  They too had been blessed with the same kind of "loving spouse" I had.

I become so drawn to the gym and working out that I became addicted. I could plug in my iPod and escape the mundane wife role I had jumped into back in my early 20's.  Through workouts and treadmill butt kickings. I learned a lot more about myself that I was never really aware of.

1. I am stronger than I thought mentally and emotionally.
2. I was accepting of the love that I thought I deserved, which was terrible. Why would anyone think so low of themselves?
3. I wasn't truly happy with anything I was doing.
4. I wasn't living just surviving.
5. I was a ragging bitch with an attitude problem. (ironic that I was a public figure and so nice to people I barely knew)

I wasn't who I thought I was, and I damn sure wasn't who I wanted to be. Somehow, every mile I ran I was running from the person I didn't want to be anymore. I would like to think that with every step I was running towards the person I am supposed to be.

Through my pledge of working on me; I swore off many things and some things I just plain ignored. I focused on my children, education/career, and fitness. I have to admit that I also play roller derby and it is another mild addiction I have. I ignored mainly my feelings towards men, or maybe...... I focused on the hate I had for men. 

I am still staying true to myself and that destination. But, recently on a vacation back to my country home town I found out much more about myself. I found a form of healing from the pain, let down, and the damn disappointment of a failed marriage.

Sarah in her cute new car.  Other fatlete contributors are jealous.

I went home for Christmas to the one horse town I was raised in. I took my kids home, introduced them to my friends and family.  I was raised on a farm, in a town many refer to as "Klamtucky". I have to admit that even though I drive a BMW and have a different life up here, I can be just as redneck as I was raised.

I went out for the END OF THE WORLD PARTY 12/21. Ended up in a dive bar called Chicken and Cheers, this is where my world was about to change in a blink of an eye. I entered this dive bar with no expectations, but my high school bestie was certain that I would meet the man of my dreams there and I would move home, and we could carry on our lives raising babies in this little town where rodeos are a huge event and Grange Co-Op is where you buy the most expensive belts and jeans in town.

I was told I am a "man-hater". Crazy?!?!? I never thought of myself as a man hater, or even remotely of the sort.... walking into this bar made me realize two things. First,  I was in the twilight zone.Second, that a man sitting at the bar making me smile and laugh was about to impact my life like no other.

I have heard women say that someone could impact your life like this before, but never understood it and it was happening to me! With my high school buddy giggling and smiling behind me. She whispered in my ear "He is the one, I've waited a long time for you to have this moment Sarah". I have spent every day since talking with this man.  This is a new path for me...but I am still headed towards happiness and love.

 Sarah isn't looking for superman like Amy, she wants a man with a utility belt..